When I Didn't Think I was Beautiful...

When I was a teenager, my self-image was completely distorted so I had a nose job because I didn’t think I was attractive enough.

The surgery was so painful and traumatic…it wasn’t very long before I completely regretted and resented that I had the operation.

And I still thought that I was ugly.

It wasn’t until I ‘woke up’ at age 28 that I realized how beautiful I am.

And when I finally realized it and declared that I was beautiful, the strangest thing occurred…

Like magic - and for the first time ever - people and strangers EVERYWHERE starting approaching me to tell me I was beautiful: the guy at the corner bodega who sold me coffee every morning, a stranger on the subway, others walking down the street…it was a complete breakthrough.

I had always looked to others to tell me that I was attractive (or worthy, or good enough), but it wasn’t until I realized myself how beautiful I actually was, that the outside world started to tell me too.

We all have emotional trauma that acts as a block in our lives. What's your emotional trauma? For assistance releasing it: https://snapappointments.com/listing/2LG or email: keri@kerisender.com

You are the Dance...

Just spent a week in Maui for OneDanceTribe Hawaii 2017.

I danced through so much that it feels like I'm still processing and catching up from the shifts and ripples that all the movement invoked in the swirling tidepool that is (my) Life...

And I found God in the dance.
Or rather, I surrendered until Spirt danced me...

It's hard to explain the pure awe and utter delight in knowing that your hands and arms are moving but that you aren't the one moving them.

It's the experience of a deep knowing of the Truth that ultimately God is the one in control.

I also danced until I lost my mind...but not in a way that I felt crazy. In a way that I listened to my body so much that my brain stopped trying to run the show. My brain had nothing left to say.

I danced until I found my power, and then I gave it away to another dancer. I fell in love and got my heart broken and all to be reminded of the basics of Attachment 101.

I danced through crisis and longing, reached and pulled until I couldn't help but to yield to the dance. 

I was left with a choice to dance in struggle or dance to surrender...

Life can feel unsure at times. The dance can feel confusing and rocky...yet when we stop and remember that we are being danced by God...well, that we can trust.

Because we ARE the dance.

Practice Being Yourself...

At three years old I sat in a highchair around the dinner table and listened to everyone’s judgments and criticism of everyone else.

As I listened, a piece of my Soul slid right from out of the high-chair and landed all the way underneath the table on the kitchen floor.

I was mortified.

I wanted to hide.

If everyone else was being criticized, wouldn’t I also be judged?

This fear of being judged made it hard for me to be myself for the 25 years to come, until at age 28 my first spiritual teacher looked me straight in the eyes and said:

“Keri, when you walk into a room, half the people will love you and half of them will hate you before you even open your mouth to speak…

So you might as well just Be Yourself.”

Every day I practice Being MySelf.  

Every day I practice not giving a shit what people think when I walk into a room.

Up to the Mountain, Keri's Version

I went up to the Mountain,
to connect with Great Spirit.
Humbled and awestruck by the
Powerful Hawaiian energies
that unlock my third eye
And feed mana into the sky
where I shower in the Milky Way,
and far out-galaxies and
countless shining stars.
I am grateful for the message I received
up on Mauna Kea:
A reminder that all of life is projected out of Ajna, 
my third eye...
That there is no difference between me
and that Milky Way,
That I am as Divine as those far-out galaxies,
That I am the same as each and every star.

The Caldera

Last night I went to the Caldera,
With moonbows dumping into Pele's pot of Gold, 
the Milky Way hovering close, 
and the brightest Mama Luna illuminating the early morning Sky.
With my boots scraping the dusty earth,
I danced a wave.
I flowed around the cliff side
And danced a silent thank you to Madame Pele. 
I danced a silent thank you to the upcoming Spring,
To the balance of light and dark,
And to celebrate the light beginning it's turn to prevail.
I surrendered my body to move with the cool windy gusts that mixed with Spirit.
And after my movements led me to Stillness,
I took that Flow and tucked it into my pocket.
And showered in the Volcano Goddess.
I let the warm glow of lava,
Fill my heart and Soul.

Shadow-Werk.

A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO READ MY NEWSLETTERS OR SEE MY POSTS ON FACEBOOK OFTEN TELL ME HOW POSITIVE I AM.

AND DON'T GET ME WRONG, I AM GENERALLY A POSITIVE FORCE OF LIGHT. I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN, AND I ALWAYS WILL BE...

WITH THAT BEING SAID LIFE AND HEALING IS A JOURNEY, AND EVEN I HAVE THOSE DAYS AND MOMENTS THAT ARE NOT SO FULL OF SUNSHINE.

WE ALL HAVE OUR MOMENTS DANCING WITH OUR SHADOWS. 

OUR MOMENTS DANCING WITH THE DARK. 

FOR ME PERSONALLY, I GET FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY WHEN MY EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT FULFILLED OR WHEN THINGS DON'T GO MY WAY. 
I COMPARE MYSELF TO OTHERS, GET COMPETITIVE AND INSECURE WHEN I SEE PEOPLE ACHIEVING GOALS THAT I HAVE YET TO ACHIEVE MYSELF.

AND SOMETIMES, I JUST HAVE A STRAIGHT-UP NEGATIVE TAPE RUNNING RAMPANT IN MY HEAD WHERE I THINK NOTHING BUT DISMAL, DREARY THOUGHTS FOR MY FUTURE!

HOW DO WE MOVE FROM A SHADOWY GHETTO TO THE SPACE WHERE WE MEET OUR FULL SELVES, BRIMMING WITH OPTIMISM, AWARENESS AND LIGHT?

SHADOW-WERK.

IT'S FUNNY TO USE THE TERM 'WORK' THOUGH 

(OR 'WERK' IF WE WANT TO BE IN TOUCH WITH OUR DRAG QUEEN SIDE ;) BECAUSE WE THINK THE WORD 'WORK' MEANS DOING SOMETHING, LIKE CHANGING OR FIXING IT.

BUT WITH SHADOW-WERK, THE "WORK" ACTUALLY IS TO DO NOTHING...EXCEPT OBSERVE.

ACCORDING TO MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE SPIRITUAL TEACHER RAM DASS, OBSERVING THE SHADOWS MEANS INVITING THEM 'IN FOR TEA'.

THE WORK IS GETTING TO KNOW THE SHADOWS. 

GETTING REEEAAAALLLLY INTIMATE WITH THEM.
NOT TO JUDGE THEM.
(YOU'RE HUMAN, AFTER ALL AND EGO CAME WITH THE PACKAGE.)
THE WORK IS TO INSPECT THEM, OBSERVE THEM AND NOTICE THEM. 

TO MAKE THE SHADOWS YOUR FRIENDS.
TO HAVE COMPASSION FOR THEM JUST LIKE YOU WOULD IF THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS.... 

SO HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THOSE SHADOWS?
AND WHERE CAN YOU GET UNATTACHED TO THE SHADOWS AS THE TRUTH AND INSTEAD SEE THEM AS MATERIAL FOR EVEN MORE AWARENESS OF YOUR SELF? 

I'm Taking Advantage of this Mercury Retrograde

I'm taking advantage of this Mercury Retrograde,

and pulling my awareness deeper inside.

Down through all the dusty, dark layers.

Discovering the parts of me that still think I'm separate from everything and everyone...

The parts of me that are so insecure 

that I don't post on social media for fear that I won't be as "liked" as I want to.

Untangling myself from a lifetime of being told that I need to look good in front of others,

And care about what they think.

That I have to do it that or this way.

Digging into the deep ditches of myself 

that STILL doesn't fully trust others.

Contemplating what it means for me to Live my Passion at THIS moment in time.

Tapping into that well inside of myself that will keep on keeping on, 

That knows that my process is wonderful and beautiful and unfolding 

just. as. it. should. BE.

And I will RISE

again and again 

like a Phoenix,

Until I'm fully born into the version of me 

That's who I TRULY am.

Thank you New York.

Thank you, New York.
Thank you for raising me into adulthood.
Thank you for beating down my self-confidence.
Thank you for working me to the bone.
Thank you for all the heartbreak,
The heartache.
Thank you for all the meaningless sex in my twenties.
Thank you for showing me what it means to hustle.
Thank you for all the teachers,
and all the modalities,
that got me to get how little I loved myself.
And how lost I was from own body.
Thank you for showing me that I can choose different ways of being,
Thank you you for teaching me that I'm the only one who gets to make the meaning in my life.
For bringing my lack of self-compassion into my awareness.
Thank you for taking advantage of my unconsciousness.
And THANK YOU, New York,
for WAKING ME UP.
Thank you for all the friendships,
That came and went.
And thank you for the friendships I'll leave with.
Thank you for all the times I listened to others,
instead of listening to my own heart.
Thank you New York for holding the space for me to find my heart and listen to it.
Thank you for all of the times I fell in love.
Thank you for all the late night dances in my kitchen in Park Slope.
Thank you for showing me how I was being attached.
Thank you New York,
For showing me that all of life is a dance.
Thank you for all of the wonderful, deep, rageful dances,
Thank you for all the re-enactments.
And thank you New York for the dances that rocked my world,
That showed me I could experience more joy in one moment than I ever thought possible.
Thank you New York for making it impossible for me to find a new home here after I left you the first time.
Thank you for all the grief,
For all the loss.
Thank you New York, for helping me find the Receiver in Sender-Receiver.
Thank you for raising me into adulthood New York.
Thank you for your smelly summer subway cars.
Thank you for post-dance bliss in the park.
Thank you for introducing me to all the men who treated me as crappy as I treated myself.
And thank you for teaching me what love really is.
Thank you for teaching me about trauma.
Thank you for teaching me about myself.
Thank you New York for thirteen amazing years in your concrete jungle.
Thank you for reminding me that I can get out of my head,
And into the energy.
Thank you for showing me
that I am an (un-wounded) healer,
A spiritual warrior.
A transformation facilitator.
Thank you for reminding me that I am dancer.
Thank you for making me into a yogi.
Thank you New York,
For raising each and every one of my family members.
Thank you for being my refuge when I was young.
Thank you for wowing me with your Statue of Liberty on car-rides across the bridge to my grandmother's house when I was a little girl.
Thank you for waiting for me to run into your arms after college.
Thank you, New York, for allowing me to love you,
and to hate you.
Thank you for helping me lose my connection to myself.
Thank you for the ceaseless way your heartbeat pulses throughout the streets
at any and all times of day and night.
Thank you for all the fantastic pizza.
For late nights at the pubs down by City Hall.
For sleepless elections days,
For so many breakthroughs with clients.
Thank you New York for after-dinner strolls to Uncle-LouieG's to eat Chocolate Jelly Ring Italian Ices.
Thank you for all the tears shared and howls of laughter.
For multiple variations of fake chicken around Washington Square Park.
Thank you New York,
for being you.
Thank you for being so staccato, New York.
Thank you, New York.
Thank you.
 

One Way Ticket to My Destiny.

Well, I did it.

Today my Tourist Visa was approved,
And I bought a ticket to India.

I started to cry a little when I saw that my Visa was approved.

I can't explain it other than to say that it feels like I've waited my entire life so far to go on this journey.

To make this Spiritual Mecca.
To follow my dharma, 
as we Vipassana meditators say.

I'm leaving the end of September,
not sure how long I'll be there.
Until India is done showing me what it needs to,
Or Pele Ma calls so strongly that it's time to go back home to Hawaii.

Either way, today I booked a one way ticket to my destiny.

I'm so fucking humbled and grateful for LIFE and all the opportunities and possibilities that rumble inside of it.

For all the opportunities to grow,
To stretch outside of my comfort zone,
To dive into the unknown,
To jump feet first into the next chapter.
To BE this FREE.

Sat Nam. ✨💫✨💫

BEing from LOVE vs. DOing from Fear

Sometimes I have to remind myself that success does not blossom from the Doing, but from the Being. 
You can DO 1,000x from a place of Fear, or You can BE once from LOVE. 
And the choice is always yours. ❤
‪#‎reminders‬ ‪#‎BELOVE‬ ‪#‎stopdoingsomuch‬ ‪#‎nycsummer‬‪#‎unlockwhatyoualreadyknow‬

A Record from the Rabbit Hole

There were so many incredible moments o’ magic last week as I learned, practiced and experienced Past-Life Regression Therapy with Dr. Brian Weiss!

Some of the Regressions were from this lifetime. I went back into my Mother’s belly (which felt like being on slo-mo spin cycle in a washing machine!) and got a clear message in-utero that while I’m here I should HAVE FUN!

I was reminded of how good it feels to be loved by my Dad and how much I feel all the energy around me, even as a baby. 

Regressions from past lifetimes included being a developmentally disabled man who learned about selfless love. That’s good one. ;-)

One spectacular Regression though, begins in space. It’s not exactly from the Past. (Of course Time doesn’t really exist.) My sense is that it occurred in another Dimension. Here’s how it went:

I’m floating in darkness looking at stars in the galaxy.  I see Saturn and I want to go near it. Suddenly, I’m on all fours inspecting Saturn’s ring. It looks like bacon and feels like leather!

Priscilla Griffin the AMAZING Regression Therapist I’m working with (And btw, Priscilla and I ran into each other ALL WEEK LONG at the workshop, as though the Universe was hitting me over the head with a hammer to make it clear that we needed to connect and work together) asks me to look down at myself. And that’s when I realize…

I have green hands. 

Seriously?

And my fingers are really, really long.

Then I look at my feet. They are the same. Bright green with long claw-like toes.

I’m a little frightened to look at my body, but when I do I see that it’s really long and green and skinny.

Then I see a crystal clear vivid image of my eyes. My eyeballs are yellow with little specs of red in it. My pupils are black. I am reminded of one of the Chameleons that lived in the orange blossom tree at my apartment in Hawaii…Only I know that I’m not a Chameleon.

I’m transported inside of something. I’m encased like an egg and I see many flashes of light outside of the casing. 

I realize that I’m either a star, or I’m inside of a star!.

Then I begin to sense something in the distance. It’s white and I sense that it’s a Dome. The Dome is pulling me towards it, like it needs me.

To come Home.

I begin to feel sensations inside of my body as a lay on the grass with Priscilla. My root chakra begins to open like I have never experienced before. It feels so light and electric. Like a bell ringing.

Then my sacrum opens, and my feet and hands start to feel incredibly light. Pretty soon my whole body begins to feel lighter than ever before, and the confines of my body dissolve into the space around me.

I am One with all that is.

Pure Energy.

And I feel no barriers between myself and the outside world. 

I am Pure Consciousness.

A silvery white disk from the Dome approaches me. It’s picking me up and I have no choice but to comply.

Not that I’m resistant. I feel no resistance to anything. No emotions. Everything just is as it is and I simply experience it.

I surrender to it. It’s beautiful.

I’m in the Dome now, and there are lots of Beings scurrying around too quickly for me to see who they are or what they are doing.

I ask what’s happening and one of them approaches me. It’s hard to make out this Being’s body. All I see are long, black oval eyes. Cliché Alien eyes. “We are making YOU.” It replies.

I leave the Dome and fly directly to Planet Earth, towards South America.

Everything goes black. Then I begin to see lots of greenery, like a forest or woods. 

I’m in human form.

I look down at my hands and feet. I am a 20-year old young man, playing folk music in the backyard of house close to the woods. I’m wearing a white t-shirt, khaki shorts and blue sneakers. I rent a room from a woman’s house that looks exactly like one of the women that I’m in the workshop with.

Trippy. The whole thing was incredibly trippy!

Just to add the trippiness is the photo I found on Google after the workshop (Scroll down to see it…and look at the Alien’s eyes!).

Roughly around the same time I was being regressed I learned that my Dad was at his home watching two TV shows. The first one was a show that mirrored an experience he had over 30 years ago regarding a Past-Life Regression he received from a Ouji Board. Freaky.

The next show was about Alien Life Form.  It was called “The Dome”.

One of the beautiful results from Past Life Regression Therapy is the ability to know in your bones that life is eternal. That you are endless, that you never really die and that the people who you love never really leave you because they join you lifetime after lifetime.

I received an even deeper message from this Regression. I got that I’m here on Planet Earth to bring awareness of the Truths of this Reality so that we can all move closer towards Ascension.

I got that there is a larger plan unfolding that is even more magical and magnificent than I could every have anticipated.  I learned that God/the Universe/Higher Power has a plan for me, and that if I can pay attention and surrender to it, I can travel beyond the constraints of Time and Space that we are accustomed to, and have the honor of being shown just how far down the Rabbit Hole goes so that I can fulfill my Mission here.

I get that my journey down the Rabbit Hole has only really just begun. I am humbled and SO ready for more!

Thanks for reading these Records from the Rabbit Hole. I trust that you received everything that you were supposed from my sharing. 

If you’d like to schedule a Past-Life Regression with me in-person or over Skype, visit: http://kerisender.com/book-a-session/

Sat Nam.

New Moon Prayer

A new chapter ends and another one begins.
No Cliff's Notes for this new story.
Just surrender. And Trust. 
And surrender.
And Trust.

How can we find the Joy, 
As we dive head first into some black abyss,
With the promise of letting go 
that which does not serve?

Take me to the TRUEST version of myself,
Without Fear,
And with Faith.
Take my questions and allow me to dance wildly among them, 
Caressing these question marks like lovers.
Allow me to laugh in the face of their somber stare,
And twirl their curves and curls around my fingers.

Remembering that I'm caught in a map that leads to no-where.

And that Love is the only fabric that weaves these strands of reality together.

Sat Nam. 🙏

New York Keri (Ilisa Sender-Receiver!).

Wow, what an intense full moon it's been! And on the heels of my return to the Big Apple. It's amazing how you can be in one scene of your movie in one moment, and then with a mere 12 hour plane ride across the United States of America -- POOF -- you're in another scene. 

My New York City movie is familiar. 
On the surface the scene feels the same, like I'm picking up exactly where I left off...

Yet, if I dive deeper I can begin to feel how much "Hawaii Keri" really has shifted "New York Keri". 

The most noticeable difference so far is how the 'charge' in certain relationships here is gone. A total transformation in the way I relate to those that in the past had majorly affected me. Sacred contracts complete.

I'm stoked to see as I continue to BE here for the summer, just how much my dance has changed. 

I can feel my increase of FAITH in life...because I know what happens when I follow my heart and follow my dreams. 

And I have Faith now no matter what things feel like in any given moment.

I have FAITH in the journey.
And I'm constantly curious about the ride. 

Sat Nam. ✨💫✨💫

How Everything Changed on the Way to the Mexican Joint.

Isn't it amazing how the energy can shift in one split second?

And for those reading who don't feel as sensitive to energy, just replace 'energy' with 'your feelings' or the 'experience of life.'

I was feeling a mild case of anxious, wonky, and gnarly at times this weekend. Feeling disconnected to myself.

And then? 
Viola!
In the parking lot of the Mexican joint on the way to the beach, everything shifts. 
And for no reason, whatsoever.

Just because it's time. 
Just because God said so.

But duh, Keri. 
Everything is ALWAYS shifting.

It's the one constant we have.

The cloud passes to let the splendid sunshine pour in and light up the landscape, 
only until it starts to pour,
and it's time to go inside. 
Until it's time to come outside. 
Again.

The Yummiest Mystery

I am so stoked by LIFE!
It's like all the pieces of the puzzle are coming together,
Yet I have no idea what everything will look like yet.
It's the yummiest mystery...
In every moment.

I realized this week how I've been so mistrusting of others,
And how that mistrust is just a projection.

I've been reminded of how to let all of that go and just...TRUST.

Surrendering to the Divine Flow.
Trusting myself,
And opening my heart.

Exploring and deepening all those sacred connections that I have with others, 
and honoring 
each and every one of them,
without trying to manipulate them 
into what I want them to be,
or how I want them to look, 
or define them,
or put them into any kind of box 
or neatly wrapped package.

Exploring the sacred connection I have with the Great Spirit,
And the connection that my connections have to the Great Spirit.

Honoring every part of myself, 
Even the parts I don't like.

And most of all, having FUN like I've never had before...

Following Your Heart is the New Thinking

It's time to stop thinking about everything.
Seriously.

Lately, I've been growing increasingly agitated by the ways in which I plan, analyze and strategize for the things I want.

What would it take to invite something completely different in?

To instead of manipulating to fulfill our Master plans, we follow the DIVINE PLAN simply by following our hearts.

What would it take to truly LET-GO?!

To make choices based only on what feels right. What feels good. What feels True.

To Be in the Divine Flow in each and every moment.

The New Divine Masculine.

To live life in a way that following the heart IS the New thinking!

How I Became the Sender-Receiver

Yes I did just change my name to Keri Sender-Receiver. 

And no, Sender-Receiver is not my official last name...YET!  My given name is Keri Ilisa Sender. 
About a year ago, I was home visiting my folks. I did one of those "I'm just going to sit back and observe my family so that I can get more information about them and me".

Fun stuff.

One of the things I noticed was how much energy my father was expending outwards. All day I watched him extend his energy to me, to my mother, to his clients, to his friends, with his work.  It became so obvious by the end of the day why my last name was Sender!   

And so the more I thought about it, the more I realized my own limitations of being the Sender without the Receiver.  Most of my life until very recently was spent only expending energy out, too -- in order to make others happy, to seek approval from the outside world, and because I thought that pushing energy out (aka "working for it") was the way to get what I wanted in life. 

This is old paradigm thinking. It's the Matrix. And thank goodness we are receiving the awareness we need in order to shift into a new way of thinking, being, and believing.

So I added a Receiver to my Sender.

Now, as a Sender AND a Receiver I set my intentions and receive Divine manifestations. I practice receiving everything, without judgement. I Send AND Receive Energy.  I Send AND Receive Love.