We always get what we are asking for, so how are you going to be when it actually shows up?’

These words percolate in my body and being as I reflect upon this past Gregorian year. This infamous 2020.

I’ve heard astrologers say that for many of us, this past year was about realizing the ways that we ‘the people’ have been raised and herded like sheep -- enslaved within the Matrix without even being aware that we are not Free.

It’s taken me all of 2020 to realize just *some* of the ways that I have been caught up in the Matrix. I’m still untangling myself in order to be FREE.

I’ve (we’ve) been conditioned and programmed by this society in such subtle and insidious ways that it has been an invisible imprisonment.

This year, I unhooked a bit more from the Matrix by letting go of a version of myself that felt that the more successful, wealthy and well-known I was, the happier I would be.

I let go of the fantasy of being a world-famous wise healer who was destined to save the world (c’mon, I’m not the only one;) and humbly stepped into service knowing that I must focus on practicing what I preach.

I let go of the fairytale life that has been fed to me since I was a little girl — that I will meet a tall, dark, rich handsome man who would take care of me for the rest of my life so I could finally feel safe and secure on this unpredictable and chaotic planet.

I’ve been questioning a lot of the ways that conditioning tells me how to do things — from who I should sleep with, to how I should keep my home, to how to offer my services. There is still MUCH more deprogramming to do...but at least now I understand the invisible prison I’ve been in.

I can look back at this year and see my transformation — from a single-minded, ego-driven business woman to partner, lover, gardener, farmer and fur-baby mama.

From chlorine-filled bathtubs and incessant WiFi frying nerves to sustainable compost toilets, solar electricity and 16 acres of eco-sanctuary.

And to be honest - for a lot of this year, I spent WAY too much time deliberating in my head and trying to figure which version of me is ‘really me’ instead of realizing that ALL of it AND NONE of it is really ‘me’.

I was reminded that to "Connect with who I TRULY Am' is to observe or witness the one who is questioning who I am.

I AM the witness of the part of me that clings to old identities, ego fixations and personality traits.

For much of 2020, I was resisting the changes that were happening to me and my life, even though I ASKED FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM!

I yearned for transformation and yet did everything I could to hold onto the old way of Life.

It’s not until I surrender that I am able to fully enjoy it.

12 years ago when I began to rise out of a deep slumber, I fell in LOVE with the concept of transformation — the genesis of a whole new realm of possibilities.

I understood then that when we allow ourselves to expand and transform, the entire planet transforms with us. Things we never even dreamed of could happen.

As 2021 arrives, I feel every so present to the rapid transformation we are all in. And I feel a lot less resistance to it.

What’s the value of clinging on?

To find a familiar rock to hold onto as you try to tread water in a vast sea of the unknown?

I’d much rather let go and trust the current. That’s my intention as we move forward into the concept of ‘time’.

What’s yours?