What does it mean to be Powerful?
In the patriarchal and hierarchical ways of the past (in the Age of Pices) being powerful meant being forceful. It meant "I'm better than you" or "I'm stronger".
It meant I can defeat you.
It was the teacher in grade school who made you sit in the corner for something you didn't do. It was the boss with the very high government position who sent you blackberry messages at 6am and expected you to respond immediately. (and yes, these are examples from my own life).
Within the new paradigm of the Aquarian Age, the realm of the Divine Feminine, and the era of 'You Are Your Own Guru' - Being Powerful simply means being yourSelf. It means being who you really are, in every moment, in every situation and with every one.
What a difference, huh?
For a lot of my life I didn't allow myself to be powerful in the new sense of the word. In fact, I gave my power away to make others feel comfortable.
I withheld who I was so that I wouldn't rock the boat....and in the process, I forgot who I was. I lost my power. I gave my power away. I lost myself.
I got real good at playing the part of whatever role I gave myself to placate the world around me.
And I started to believe my own acting so much that I couldn't tell the difference anymore.
We don't live in a society that generally speaking encourages us to be powerful and to be ourselves. Especially if we're women. We are still being brainwashed to think this way, buy this, be this to be happy. Although it has gotten much better over the years. I think of my Mother's generation and how little women where encouraged to be or think for themselves...we've come a long way, baby indeed.
There's still work to do though, and the good news is that it is easy see when you slip away from your power (because Being Powerful IS a Practice.). The outside world will reflect a version of you that's different than who you know yourself to be. Maybe it's a stranger who interacts with you in a way that's totally out of alignment for you. Maybe it's the way you feel when you're in the presence of a friend...
Just the other day, this man I know a little from around town stopped me in the store and said: "Keri -- You, You're a tough cookie."
He got me. And it felt soooo good.
Don't be fooled by my big smile and upbeat energy. I am definitely one tough cookie. And when I'm really in my power, I'm not hiding any parts of me. I'm owning the tough cookie and letting her shine without apology.
So no matter how tough of a cookie you are, be kind and gentle with yourself and practice being yourself. Just practice.
Before you know it, your Power will be so present that people can't help but be drawn to you like a magnet. No force. No coercion. Simply authenticity in magical action.
And imagine a world where everyone was really in their true Power....
Feeling indecisive? Ready for a new day?
When we remember that we are consciousness, that we are everything, that there’s only one of us here, and that love IS the answer we can unhook ourselves from the social norms and mores that keep us bound inside a box.
When we remember who we really are, in that moment the box blows it’s lid and real freedom is possible.
We are SO burdened with the “should” and “shouldn't” that not only do we not even realize they’re there, we end up internalizing them and imposing the shackles on ourselves.
When we remember that we are everything that IS, we rip a hole in the reality that has been, and weave a new tapestry of a reality that could be.
THIS...this is the pathway to True Freedom.
2 of Pentacles. Page of Cups. The Heirophant.
Lots of messages for this week...Check it out:
Be Creative, Choose and Be Careful of your imagination later this week. Watch the video for more...
Ace of Cups & the Star: Emotional & Spiritual Inspiration from the TRUTH!
6 of Wands and Page of Wands
Success is found by working together. Include others - or the group - in your new creative actions and endeavors.
Be courageous, confident and enthusiastic with your new adventure(s) and know that working with others will bring you victory. You will be more centered with others help.
The dance floor became my refuge again.
Filled with a star-studded cast of characters that are the NYC 5RHYTHMS dance tribe.
I look deeply into a friend’s eyes and she mouths the words “I love you” as our dances wash each other clean.
A tribe member I don’t know yet makes loves to my legs, caressing all of the lines of my muscles and flesh with his soft touch in stillness.
I can feel my teacher dancing nearby.
An old lover appears before to me dance in partnership, and we feel each other’s energy with reverence as we each dance our own dance.
I thrust my hips in childlike play with my beloved dharma brother.
I feel my own dance become new.
I feel my dance in my yoni, but for the first time I notice her hunger isn’t what’s taking taking the lead.
I catch myself trying to control my movements with my mind, and then surrender to the questions:
Spirit? Body? How would you like to move in this moment? Where would you like to go?
And I listen.
I pull my gaze away from watching how everyone else is dancing and how I can connect, and I bring my focus inwards. I dance deep into myself, allowing Spirit to become my muse and feeling the beats and melody in my bones.
The rhythms tug at my body and crash over me like waves on the Hawaiian shoreline.
I flow. I pump. I bounce. I shake. I breathe.
I let go.
Music: Nothing Else Matters by Apocalyptical
Weekly Tarot Readings for the Collective.
Blessed to have just spent a week in London, England at a 5Rhythms dance meditation workshop called “Mirrors”.
We danced deep with ourselves to get to know the reflections that our own ego characters cast, and looked into the mirrors that we hold for each other within relationships.
Mirrors can be distorted if you don’t look for the Truth. Projections warp faces, and stories can cloak reality in a shroud of unnecessary darkness.
I learned in this workshop that to truly see, you have to really listen.
And I’m grateful for all the mirrors in my Life which help me to see...
I cracked open in this workshop. It came out of nowhere. I put down my masks and allowed myself to be vulnerable and I was met with pure connection and pure love...
It’s amazing how much time and energy we spend wearing the masks our ego creates. So much energy protecting ourselves from connection and from Life when all we actually want to do is connect, and to Live.
Through Mirrors, I saw my ego and then went beyond it, straight to pure Soul in human form...What a deep dance that is.
Let me start off by letting you know that I'm writing this while I'm meant to be meditating in the Sattipathana Sutta Vipassana 8-day silent meditation course I'm taking. Don't tell anyone that I was using the pen and paper they gave us to learn and study the Sutta for the following Divine expression to come out. Such is the life of a writer...
My breakdown came out of nowhere.
I was sitting in my assigned cell #53 in the Pagoda, ready to start the 3:30pm-5pm sit and it just hit me:
Is this what I want to do with my Life?
Then the tears started flowing and they didn't stop for an hour.
So often we get caught up in what we think we're "supposed to do" -- whether it be making a living in a certain way, relating to loved ones and the people around us in a certain way, or possessing all the material things that we think will make us happy and stable -- that we don't take the time to actually BE ourselves and do what we want with Life.
We're chained to the constraints of this reality we created without even realizing it most of the time.
We limit the expansion of ourselves and Life for the sake of following what we've been told to do and how we've been told to act, that we don't allow ourselves the freedom to be who we really are.
So that's why I cried for an hour in cell 53.
I cried to mourn that loss of the freedom that's prohibited all of us from being our TRUE Selves, and through those tears I realized how much I desire us all to be FREE.
We require the freedom to be ourselves.
To Unlock Who We Really Are.
Think of how much we will thrive if we have the freedom to live, love and express ourselves in a way that feels most authentic to us all of the time.
Endless possibilities for Life will have the space to emerge...
When I was back in New York City last week, I spent a day being with my parents in NJ. They took me out to lunch and a little shopping and it was all very nice and sweet, but what made the day most memorable was one moment when my father and I were on his patio looking up at the trees. He told me how much he loves the sound of them blowing in the wind, and I said how much I enjoy watching them dance in the breeze.
The truth is I'll eventually throw away or use up the things they bought me, and I don't even remember the name of the restaurant we went to that day, but I will always - for as long as I live - look at the trees dancing and take the time to also listen to them the way my father loves.
THIS is what matters.
THIS is freedom in connection and expression.
So whether it's your partner or your parents or your dog or your job or your life, please take the time to ask yourself: What matters to me most?
What would I do if I allowed myself to be totally free and didn't follow the way I thought I was supposed to act, be and live?
Maybe it means changing your life completely or maybe it means asking someone who you care about deeply what they like most about the trees...
Just earlier today I asked a very big, old and wise tree here at the meditation center what advice it had for me and it replied: "Be True to Yourself in every moment and watch everything change."
Let's commit to being True to ourselves in every moment so that we can be Free.
Lenny Kravitz nailed it:
"We should take time out to really Love
We should find out who we really are"
My time inside the heart of NYC is getting me re-present to the sack of lies we are being sold...from consumerism to work ethic to our priorities in Life.
I see millions of miserable people being herded like cattle to their 9 to 5 jobs so they can make enough money to buy the meaningless shit they think will buy them happiness.
When will we BREAK FREE from the chains of the "shoulds", from how we've been told it's supposed to go and supposed to be and take the time to really BE ourselves?!?
To UNLOCK WHO WE REALLY ARE.
"All I want to do is just be Real And get off of the spinning wheel..."
P.s. I think this was too confronting for Midtown Manhattan because I got kicked off of the "private property" I was dancing on... It's all good though, I danced my way home.
Music: Take Time by Lenny Kravitz
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Tarot Reading for the week of September 25th: Stick with it and You Will Succeed 💪🏾✨
10 of Wands: You've got a lot on your plate right now, maybe feeling burdened or doing other people's work.
The Chariot: You will have what you need to succeed.
5 of Swords (the Victor/Victim card) : Stick with it, don't give up. If you don't try, you lose. But if you put effort in, you will succeed.
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Tarot Reading for the Week of September 18, 2017: The Devil: Seeking Security
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Card Reading for the Week of September 11, 2017: 🌹DEATH: A Time for New Beginnings 🌹
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Card Reading for the Week of August 28, 2017: Four of Swords: SECLUSION. Be the Buddha 🌟
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Card Reading for the Week of August 21st: FIVE OF SWORDS -- IT'S TIME TO SURRENDER ✨🌑✨
Check out this article I wrote from marriage.com:
How to Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships
KERI VERIFIED EXPERT
There’s something about losing yourself in a relationship that is abstract as it sounds. Left-brainers and pragmatists might argue: “How can you lose yourself? You’re right there.”
If you’ve experienced it though, you know it.
It might take some time before you realize it. It might hit you in the face suddenly like a ton of bricks. Or it might nag at you every day, whispering in your ear “this is not who you really are”.
Either way, losing yourself in relationship is a dangerous path that can only lead to a disempowered, less-fulfilling existence and experience of life.
A disempowered and less-fulfilled you.
What does losing yourself look like?
While it’s true that losing yourself in a relationship doesn’t mean that you turn into a ghost or leave your body, it does mean that you lose your connection to your inner self – specifically to your desires, wants and needs that make you a unique human being.
Here are some sure signs that you have lost that inner-connection to yourself within your relationship:
- You often act, think, and communicate in ways that you feel your partner will approve of and desire instead of being your true, authentic self.
- You consistently ignore your own needs and desires within the relationship.
- You sense the relationship is “bringing you down”.
- You frequently look to your partner to bring you happiness instead of looking within to be content.
- You lose interest in your own hobbies, goals and dreams and give more attention to your partner’s hobbies and goals instead.
- You’re uncomfortable being alone and prefer spending time with your partner, even if it means consistently engaging in activities that don’t resonate with you.
So why do we lose ourselves in relationship?
Reading the list above sounds absolutely awful and begs the question: How does this happen? Why do you lose yourself in relationship?
The answer is Attachment.
You became attached to your partner and addicted to them under the false pretense that they could fill up something that is empty within you.
Many Spiritual teachings say that this empty feeling began at birth. You felt whole and complete in your Mother’s womb, but when you came into the world you had to separate from this feeling of wholeness (sometimes known as ‘Oneness’) only to spend the rest of your life searching for the wholeness again.
So the most fascinating part of being attached to your partner is the reality that the longing isn’t even about them. It’s about you.
It’s you wanting what feels good and chasing that feeling.
Maybe your partner made you feel amazing at the beginning of your relationship. You felt wanted, desired, loved, and whole. Then, like a drug addict who turns to stealing in order to support their habit, you kept chasing after that amazing feeling even though it was no longer there. You kept running to your partner thinking they would bring you that good feeling again when in fact you were only running farther and farther from yourself.
You might have also adopted the habit of acting in ways you think others want you to act from your relationship with your parents (or primary caregivers) in early childhood.
Perhaps at a very early age you decided that you would do anything to please your parents — including deciphering which version of you got them to love and acknowledge you the most. You learned to play a role with those closest to you in order to win their love instead of simply being yourself, and this behavior was repeated in your romantic relationship(s).
Another explanation is what we call in the field of psychology an “Insecure Attachment”. This means your primary caregiver was not able to meet your unique desires and physical or emotional needs when you were a baby.
You were most likely fed according to schedule (or maybe even an “expert’s” schedule) instead of simply when you were hungry. Or maybe you were forced into bed at 7pm every night, regardless of whether you were tired or not. Perhaps you had no choice of what clothes you wore from day to day. From these kinds of occurrences, you learned to defer your instinctual needs and desires to your caretakers and loved ones.
Most likely you weren’t given the space to articulate your own needs. As a result, you involuntarily submitted them to your parents, became too scared to be (or take care of) yourself, and then “re-enacted” or repeated this pattern in romantic relationships later in life.
How to find yourself again
Now that you understand more about why you lost yourself in your relationship, it begs the question: How do you connect to our own internal needs to find yourself again?
Practice getting in touch with yourself and connecting to your own needs every single day.
Here are some tips and tools for you to practice finding yourself again:
- Ask yourself each day, “What do I need today?”
Check-in with yourself regarding the day’s activities including feeding yourself, attending to your work, interacting with others, being active or nourishing yourself.
You might feel you need to only drink fruit smoothies for the day or that you need indulge in that piece of chocolate cake. You might need to take time off from work to hit the beach, or put in a 12-hour day to get a task complete. You may need to call your best friend or turn off your phone. Or maybe you need a sweaty kick-ass yoga class, a bath, a nap or an hour’s worth of meditation.
Take the time to truly listen to yourself for what’s in your own best interest, regardless of your partner’s needs or what you feel like you “should” be doing. Trust your own internal messages to develop a strong sense of yourself and your desires.
You can also practice checking-in with yourself at several times throughout the day, “What do I need in this moment?” What are my needs right now? What do I desire?”
If you find that you are often putting your partners’ needs before your own, stop yourself and see where you can at the very least create a balance within the relationship.
- Become your own parent
If your own parent wasn’t able to attune and be attentive to your personal needs and you looked to your partner for direction, start to be there for yourself the way you would want the ‘Ideal Parent’ to be there for you. If you could be your Ideal parent, you would probably do some of the following things:
Give yourself space to explore Life. Acknowledge yourself for a job well done. Have true compassion for yourself. Love yourself unconditionally. Get to know yourself and how you respond to Life. Know your strengths and your weaknesses. Be your own best advocate. Listen to your needs and respond to fulfill them if they are in your best interest. Show yourself how special you are. Appreciate yourself and celebrate your gifts.
- Become your own lover
Instead of always looking to your partner to satisfy and fulfill you, practice fulfilling yourself. Take yourself out on dates. Buy yourself flowers. Touch your body lovingly. Make love to yourself for hours. Be attentive and listen to yourself. Be your own best friend. Practice not looking to others to find your way.
This is a great tool to connect with yourself if you are currently lost in a relationship. You can maintain your relationship with your partner and at the same time strengthen (or start) the relationship you have with yourself. No one else can work on your relationship with yourself but you.
- Be with yourself
Ask yourself: What is it that I like to do, independent of my partner?
Explore different hobbies and activities. Spend time with yourself so that you can get to know yourself and what you need. If you find that it’s difficult being with yourself, stick with it. Sometimes you have to spend time alone hating yourself in order to learn how to really love yourself fully and enjoy your own company.
It’s important to note that you losing yourself in your relationship is not the fault of your partner. It’s not the fault of your parents or caregivers either. They did the best they could with what they learned or knew, just like you.
Instead of placing blame for your own behavior, practicing taking responsibility for all the choices in your life (conscious or unconscious) outside of the framework of the judgments of ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Trust that you lost yourself so you could gain a valuable life lesson.
Perhaps you went through the experience of losing yourself to find yourself in a way that’s even deeper than before.
To know yourself even more.
To master yourself even more.
Lastly, if you are currently in a relationship where you have lost yourself, only you can decide whether to stay in your relationship or not. If you’re confused or ambivalent, trust that time will tell you what to do. It’s always helpful to work with a therapist who can hold space for you while you get clear on what to choose, so reach out to someone who resonates with you. Just remember: a healthy relationship allows you to become more of yourself, not less.
Keri has a Masters in Clinical Social Work from New York University and holds a social work license in both the State of New York and Hawaii. She worked as a trauma talk-therapist and taught Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to graduate students in the LMHC Program at Brooklyn College. Keri currently combines energy-healing, past-life regression therapy, and transformational tools with talk-therapy techniques to assist others to remove emotional and energetic blocks from the past and Unlock Who You Really Are.
More by Keri
SPIRITuAl(l) Guidance Card Reading for the Week of August 14, 2017: THE PATH -- 6 Things To Assure SPIRITuAl Success ✨