A Glimpse of Being Annihilated by Love...

Four months ago, something miraculous happened to me.

Cupid unexpectedly hit me with his curious arrow, I fell in Love, and that LOVE catalyzed me to experience the beginning of a deep and profound process.

The best way I can describe it is that I was getting a glimpse of being annihilated by Love.

Some of the ways that my ego / personal identity has been expressed out in the world were being revealed to me like never before.

As a result, I had no clue who I was, or where I was headed.

Many of my ideas and expectations about Life began to dissolve and for the first time in a while I was ridden with uncertainty.

I did not know where the Great Mystery was taking me. It was terrifying and wonderful all at the same time.

As I was being shown parts of my ego in such a powerful way, my new Love introduced me to the Enneagram.

The Enneagram is an ancient wisdom teaching of the human psyche, understood as a classification of nine interconnected personality types of the ego. (Note: As I'm learning from Enneagram teacher Eli Jaxon-Bear, since all you are IS Love, the 9 Enneagram types actually describes who you are not.)

***If you are interested in the Enneagram, this is the online course I’ve been listening to: https://www.soundstrue.com/store/from-fixation-to-freedom-499.html and here’s the book version too: https://www.amazon.com/Fixation-Freedom-Enneagram-Liberation/dp/1893840263***

In the ten years since I came out of my deep unconscious slumber, never before has my ego has been revealed in such stark and profound ways as it has been through the learning about the Enneagram.

I’ve learned that I’m a “3” type on the Enneagram, which means that my ego is determined to be successful to gain love and acceptance.

3's can be obsessed about maintaining and preserving a public image.

Sound familiar to any of you reading this???

I've realized that for most of my adolescent and adult life I’ve based my self-worth and self-love on my career and reputation, or on my business and its' appearance and growth.

My self-value has been found in proving to the world that I’m good enough, smart enough and capable enough.

Since learning about the Enneagram, I’m watching myself be in a process of letting go of the obsession of obtaining success...

I'm feeling less and less of an unconscious need to portray some image that I have my shit together or that I always practice what I preach.

...because the TRUTH is: I don’t.

I do my best, but I don’t always practice what I preach.

I have tantrums, go unconscious, and get reactive. In fact, one of the traps of the 3-type is that they can “fall asleep”.

So I've been practicing the REAL TRUTH: We don't need anyone to see us in a particular way in order to be Loved.

I'm open to the masks crumbling and allowing space for the strategies and tactics I've been using compensate for not feeling loved to dissolve.

I'm creating the possibility of a future for myself where instead of grasping onto an identity, I can LIVE and BE the Kundalini mantra: Sat Nam (ਸਤਿ ਨਾਮੁ).

Sat Nam means: "The Truth is my Identity."

For me Sat Nam is a practice of getting yourself out of the way and allowing Spirit to move you in every given moment.

Instead of clinging to a particular identity, it's about remembering that WHO We REALLY Are is LOVE.
Everything else is just ego.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, feeling and process about your own ego identity. Please share your comments below.