Let me start off by letting you know that I'm writing this while I'm meant to be meditating in the Sattipathana Sutta Vipassana 8-day silent meditation course I'm taking. Don't tell anyone that I was using the pen and paper they gave us to learn and study the Sutta for the following Divine expression to come out. Such is the life of a writer...
My breakdown came out of nowhere.
I was sitting in my assigned cell #53 in the Pagoda, ready to start the 3:30pm-5pm sit and it just hit me:
Is this what I want to do with my Life?
Then the tears started flowing and they didn't stop for an hour.
So often we get caught up in what we think we're "supposed to do" -- whether it be making a living in a certain way, relating to loved ones and the people around us in a certain way, or possessing all the material things that we think will make us happy and stable -- that we don't take the time to actually BE ourselves and do what we want with Life.
We're chained to the constraints of this reality we created without even realizing it most of the time.
We limit the expansion of ourselves and Life for the sake of following what we've been told to do and how we've been told to act, that we don't allow ourselves the freedom to be who we really are.
So that's why I cried for an hour in cell 53.
I cried to mourn that loss of the freedom that's prohibited all of us from being our TRUE Selves, and through those tears I realized how much I desire us all to be FREE.
We require the freedom to be ourselves.
To Unlock Who We Really Are.
Think of how much we will thrive if we have the freedom to live, love and express ourselves in a way that feels most authentic to us all of the time.
Endless possibilities for Life will have the space to emerge...
When I was back in New York City last week, I spent a day being with my parents in NJ. They took me out to lunch and a little shopping and it was all very nice and sweet, but what made the day most memorable was one moment when my father and I were on his patio looking up at the trees. He told me how much he loves the sound of them blowing in the wind, and I said how much I enjoy watching them dance in the breeze.
The truth is I'll eventually throw away or use up the things they bought me, and I don't even remember the name of the restaurant we went to that day, but I will always - for as long as I live - look at the trees dancing and take the time to also listen to them the way my father loves.
THIS is what matters.
THIS is freedom in connection and expression.
So whether it's your partner or your parents or your dog or your job or your life, please take the time to ask yourself: What matters to me most?
What would I do if I allowed myself to be totally free and didn't follow the way I thought I was supposed to act, be and live?
Maybe it means changing your life completely or maybe it means asking someone who you care about deeply what they like most about the trees...
Just earlier today I asked a very big, old and wise tree here at the meditation center what advice it had for me and it replied: "Be True to Yourself in every moment and watch everything change."
Let's commit to being True to ourselves in every moment so that we can be Free.